School and me

Did you guys expect a blogpost on Sunday? Hehe sorry! I was a lil busier last week...


I was in the shower just now and thinking about what i am doing with my life right now. You know school and shoots.... I love my work, i can do it forever and i never want to stop but tbh i'm kinda worried for my studies. I know it's only about 2 months+ into my first sem but yes i'm stress already. I can't handle numbers and graphs at all. I'm so bad at studying i don't even know why i was so determined to continue my studies in the very first place. I had this sudden urge to give it up just now, to tell my parents and let them nag at me forever but part of me refused to give it up. I don't want to have this regret in me forever for not completing my degree, i don't want to acknowledge the fact that i'm no good with books and that i'm stupid. I keep telling myself if others can do it, i'm sure i can right??!

Sure you will see me going to work every single day without fail if i have to, even if it means i have to wake up super early in the morning. But when it comes to school... I just can't seem to be as hardworking. I absorb new info slower, i'm not smart. When i go to class and i see all the smartypants and hardworking people around me and deep down it stresses me SO MUCH and i'll go like "wtf am i doing here actually"

I wanted to tell my parents this just now, not about quitting school but just letting them know that my heart isn't with my books, but the thought of letting them down and seeing worried, disappointed faces makes me want to cry

and i'm tearing now wtf wtf is this you weak bitch

Really damn sian and sad. Can anyone out there feel my pain??? :'(


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